Merci Pour le Venin

I guess at the end of the rope I wouldn’t have time to apologise

Our hands are slipping apart like each star slowly dying

And we like to watch it happen.

Give me your worries and I’ll put them on a pedestal to collect dust

If only you’d told me

I’d be better than I was.

But sounds out of your mouth are like bumps on the ground

The blind man on his knees,

desperate

needing

I try to help him but in his pride he shakes his hand to the sky

Showing me that we will never get far with one set of eyes.

Eventually weary hands show heavy calluses 

You’ve tried so hard

For so long

And that rope is so tight around your wrist it burns.

The bigger picture never accounts for your pain 

Condemning stares articulate the message of no words to compare

But I’m rushing to you, running, sprinting, spitting, coughing, bleeding

Feeling all these things to show you

I feel pain too.

I feel my legs giving in

I feel 5 years of smoking cigarettes

But there are lions behind me 

And if I stop, I’m dead.

I wish you knew this because it would be so much easier for you to run too

If you understood that you absolutely cannot stop

You never would. 

Rolling in reverse at every mockingbird’s call
I forget that I’m human.
But, stay,
Just for a moment longer
Memory takes more time than I have.
In between job, work, and school
They hear silence like a throb on their temples
Posed like a Hindu Goddess
Waiting for their prize or praise.
With requirements not met
The love we didn’t give
Becomes the hate we receive.
Tender spots on the arch of your back
Twisting and turning
Waiting for embrace
We all want what we never give.

I’d rather see you on your knees in fear
Than in prayer
We are so hung up on the apology
We seem to forget the recovery.
Let’s wait for the bones to be buried
So we can dig them back up.
Let’s calculate our percentage rates
Based on the New York Times
And try to ignore the sexual tension.
We’ve exchanged our dignity at the pawn shop
For a cubic zirconium ring we’re sure
That slut we want to fuck
Will think
is diamonds.
We are not unique.
We are used and repeated.

Take a shit on me, 

I’ll respond politely,

“thank you”

Return to the bar scene

Drunken foolery 

Being me, seeing someone I’d like to see

But we’re all pretending.

Our naked bodies

colliding 

Like stars slowly dying

We’re too weak to say words, just moans and petrified eyes

Shifting our heads side to side

Our voices die from exhaustion, the energy seeping into our legs

Eyes still darting 

as we go our separate ways

How we defiled each other, talk to you later, as if ever.

Giving yourself to someone isn’t easier than letting someone take you

Or closing your eyes and rolling the dice

I’d rather not see the road, 

Jesus take the wheel, 

some other stupid shit.

I don’t believe in me 

So I’ll believe in something else.

You want to tell me all these words

But they’re hidden

And I feel like a fucking idiot for looking

Your eyes say more than your mouth and I’m blind,

I get it,

We’re fucked.

But when we fuck

You won’t open your eyes

It doesn’t baffle me that you wouldn’t want to see this pure emotion

Standing on your knees with your tongue between my thighs

Who would want to see your pathetic eyes?

Your emotion seeping from your tightened asshole 

Waiting for someone to notice your apathy.

All in all pain feels good, but only when the blade against your skin is yours.

We walk too close together to see that there are tears in-between smiles

But pride is easy.

I’m sure the questions being asked are with the best intentions

But I’m giving myself to you

And leave nothing for my soul.

I feel myself above the talking

Watching myself eroding

I’m feeling too much.

Like a tarot deck I predict the outcome

And I leave the way I came.

I could never explain this,

Never write this down.

But I’ll attempt as I always do

Feeling nothing because I can’t do much else.

No matter what you say

The cards will be as they are.

I think you’re pathetic. 

I think you’re never going to be ready to be with someone

Because you’re fearful, you’re an addict, you say things you don’t mean

And things you do

That do

So much worse.

You try to let people in with a contract and a set of rules

This won’t work but I’ll try.

You dream of other lovers when I’m gone

And you see them in other bodies.

Below the face there’s a body that you mask

The fingertips resembling so much of what you’ve had

If only I knew your infidelity,

I’d not waste my time.

No, love

No, care

I’m making up for you in my mind, trying to find you

Trying to be comfortable with myself and my life

You’re a leech

You’re not my fate

But I’ll keep pushing

A new born

Unwanted.

We’ve lost faith in the Earth

Regained it in things we can only see

Bound by paper and sound and everything passing so quickly

Act now!

Buy now!

The Mayans said we’re dead, carpe diem!

I wish I could explain the wonder of waking up each morning and how I never forget its worth.

I can’t contemplate the audacity of this world and I revolve around my ignorance

Blood is only red when oxygen mixes in it.

We watch our lives in the eyes of disagreeing members of society

Always checking to see if this or that is the “right thing.”

Apologising for real encounters that ultimately

are the only real thing we’ll ever have.

Our illusions keep us away from the naked bodies near us

beneath those clothes

your curves

your thoughts

covered in a cultural fashion statement

Instead of wishing and staying quiet

find your haven!

I can’t touch my life,

I can only feel it.

It was 2010.

It was 2010 and my life was shit

I was too young to do anything about my life and where I was going

I was alone but so crowded and didn’t have a sense of morality

It was 2011 and it repeated again,

In a new town with all the same problems.

It was a repeat of the same day for a year.

It’s 2012 and everything I took for granted is never coming back.

Money isn’t plentiful but it puts food on my plate

Great people surround me while assholes fight for spotlight

Never lit

Bound by nothing with a slate cleaner than my past

and it seems as though it’s the first chance I have.

It’s always quick like this,

It was dry and now there’s rain

and I’m staying inside.

Plans for the day must work around the sky,

Wait for the sun,

Wait for much longer than expected,

give up.

All I know is how to keep warm

I don’t know the temperature outside.

But still I appreciate the sounds 

Waking up to the drops

Alone but you keep me company.

What a time to wake up empty.